During my teenage years I experienced significant loss and failures that pushed me into deep depression. It was a downward spiral I felt I had no control over. As time passed, by God’s grace things improved, but then I experienced another loss in my early twenties and I began to feel trapped all over again.
Our past plays a big role how we process loss
When I was a child, I was blessed to grow up in a loving family and have a decent foundation for a healthy emotional life. However, I was not taught how to process loss, hurt, pain, and disappointment in a healthy way. That’s because my childhood was cut short due to a divorce and other related issues, so I had to figure things out on my own. Yes, I still say I had a blessed childhood because I’ve had many great experiences and memories to hold onto. Plus, I’m aware of the big picture in life, and I know that many people throughout history did not have a good childhood. And sadly, at this very moment, there are children all over the world suffering from disease, slavery, famine, war, and other horrific things so I certainly have no right to complain about anything.
Nevertheless, events like this can shape us and mold us into who we are today. If you have experienced trauma at a young age, you will carry that with you into every aspect of your life: how you relate to people, your home life, career, self-worth, and how you manage conflict. That is why it is imperative to seek counseling so you can heal and move on, otherwise we will get stuck in the same cycle repeatedly, and never experience freedom.
What being stuck can look like
Have you ever come across someone who never really grew up? It may appear to be perpetual immaturity but it’s usually more serious than that, it’s like they are a prisoner in their own mind and they weren’t able to mature past the age of the traumatic experience. They may not realize they are reliving painful episodes of their past throughout the day and not fully understanding why there are huge swings of emotion from being utterly joyful to feeling completely devastated. Instead of getting help, they attempt to drown their sorrows with alcohol, drugs, overeating, overspending, or some other risky behavior. These are all predictable responses, but certainly not a healthy solution that brings positive change.
How we express our pain to the outside world
Many people carry a lot of deep sorrow and shame with them on a daily basis and often never reveal that they are hurting to anyone. Some of these people work hard to keep their pain hidden and maintain the socially acceptable status quo. While others are in so much inner turmoil, the whole world gets a front row seat of their messy lives through social media. This can include: crazy things they say and do, poor relationship choices, in addition to self-mutilation by excessive and strange tattoos and piercings, etc. Often, this type of behavior is an expression of unrest and a cry for help. Pain cannot be hidden, how we feel on the inside will often show on the outside. Yes, some people are really good at hiding their true feelings but we are human beings not machines.
We cannot continue to go through life trying to burry our emotions because eventually something will break and usually its our health and close relationships.
If you are recognizing some of these patterns in your own life, I really hope you will take that step today and seek professional help, you deserve to be free!
Check out our recent article “Are you searching for freedom?“
A healthy way to process loss
When I was going through the seasons of never-ending pain and loss, I tried my best to navigate those years and deal with the deluge of emotions that rolled in. It was utterly painful and I felt so lost. I just really hoped the painful emotions would just vanish on their own. By God’s grace many of them did as time passed, but there was still much work that had to be done. Looking back, I suffered for a lot longer than I should have. If I had learned at a young age how to properly grieve, and place my pain, loss, and suffering in the proper perspective I could have moved on with my life much sooner.
Allow yourself to grieve
Many years ago, I read a story in the Bible that mentioned the phrase: “a time for mourning” and it caught my attention. I did some research and discovered how the Jewish people would process loss and pain and put a time limit on it. I thought that was brilliant! In addition to this widely accepted process of grieving it was also a cultural norm and a person or family would be surrounded by the community and the burden was shared. This really left an impact on me and made me realize that I can purposefully release my sorrow and begin to move on with my life after a set time of grieving.
Make a plan to move on with your life
So how about you? Have you been holding onto your loss and pain for more than a year? If so, you owe it to yourself to move on and enjoy your life, no one else can make this decision for you and you can’t afford to lose any more of your precious time waiting to “feel” emotionally ready. You have to place a time limit on your grieving and move on.
To experience happiness and joy in life you have to plan for it and work towards it. Don’t put it off any longer.
Resources for dealing with loss & pain
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