For the majority of my life, I’ve often heard women share their frustrations about men and wonder what the heck goes through their mind, or the lack of. Since this is such an important topic, I recognize there is no better time than now to discuss this and hopefully provide some insight into how us men navigate relationships.
As a man, I think it is very easy to understand men, and know what ‘men in general’ want out of life. Certainly, all men are a little different based on how they perceive the world around them but I’ve observed consistent patterns through the years. And as I grow older and more experienced, my knowledge of working with many different types of people from a vast array of cultural backgrounds leads me to deduce a common thread that seems to exist in all men and women: Men need to feel respected and women need to feel loved. Because, how you make someone feel will determine the quality and duration of any relationship.
Spending time together
Without a doubt, both men and women need to receive love and respect simultaneously through multiple social interactions, and both deep rooted needs are not always exclusive. Having the opportunity to spend time with someone on a regular basis will establish a mutual connection while providing an environment for you to learn what they value most. Although it may be frustrating to figure out what someone needs, a wise and compassionate person will typically find a solution. However, if a solution does not present itself, emotional and social disengagement will occur and the connection will be lost.
Keep in mind, if you encounter someone with very low self-esteem/ low self-worth, it will be an uphill battle to connect with them and build a solid foundation. There are a few yellow and red flags you’ll need to be aware of. Nevertheless, if these instances occur, professional intervention will be necessary. To learn more about some yellow and red flags in relationships please visit our previous post here.
Men are Easy to understand
For the most part, men are easy to understand and get a long with. If you are nice to us we will be nice to you. Most men, without even realizing it, establish relationships based on respect and continuity during interaction. Let me explain. As a child, a boy recognizes the simplicity of a ball, to understand it fundamentally, to roll it around and play with it. In a healthy childhood environment, he will engage with other boys and they will toss the ball back and forth to each other. That tossing of the ball back and forth establishes an important connection that they can comprehend at a deep level. They know that when they throw the ball the other person will make an effort to catch it and throw the ball back. Similarly, that is how it works with our communication style.
When a man goes out of his way to speak with a woman he finds attractive, he is throwing the ball to her. If the woman does not toss the ball back to him a connection will most likely never occur. The woman might be very shy and afraid to engage with the man or she is not interested. In either case, to the man it is perceived as the same thing, that the woman is not interested in him and therefore does not want to make a connection.
Men have feelings too
I recognize that a woman may be caught off guard when a man approaches her, especially if he intends to express interest. For the moments leading up to a man approaching a woman, he may be extremely nervous and may not realize the expression on his face, he is probably not aware he is expressing anxiety, caution, fear, and a feeling of low self-esteem that seemed to come out of nowhere. When a man approaches a women that is “his type” his heart will be filled with hope, excitement, a little bit of lust, and adrenaline.
If the woman does not reciprocate interest or at the very least show respect to him for making a courageous effort to go out of his way to speak with her, he will most likely never attempt to speak with her again. And it’s not because she is not worth the effort or worth pursuing, but in his mind, it’s because she didn’t catch the ball he threw. His efforts were rejected and as a result he feels rejected. It’s important to understand how crucial this initial interaction can be for a man. If he is not treated with dignity and respect, the emotional damage could last a lifetime.
Men are easy to communicate with
Now, I say this broadly. I know some men are poor communicators and some women are too, and perhaps for different reasons. But for the most part, men really are easy to communicate with. It is not an art form to communicate with us or try to sell an idea or express a desire in an elaborate way. All a woman needs to do is speak to a man like she is ordering coffee. Let me explain.
It’s as easy as ordering coffee
When a woman goes to a coffee shop to order her drink, she tells the barista exactly how she wants her drink, there are no assumptions, there is no need to interpret body language or consider emotions, the request is spoken in plain, easy to understand verbiage. Because of that interaction a woman can order her beverage of choice and receive exactly what she was hoping for. In the same way, that is how a woman must communicate with a man, no matter how trivial or important the topic is, she must tell him explicitly what her request is and the outcome she hopes to achieve.
If a woman expects a man to read her mind or pick up on a subtle suggestion, she will most certainly encounter frustration and be misunderstood. A woman doesn’t need to make communicating with a man so challenging in that sense. All she needs to do is be respectful and communicate clearly like she’s ordering a coffee.
Conclusion
I am happy you have taken the time to read this article and I hope these simple tips for understanding men has provided some insight into the male mind. As you continue on this journey, you will find endless articles and books on the subject, some of them may be great while others may be a waste of time. My best advice is to write all of your thoughts and ideas in a journal, then when you interact with a man: be quick to listen, slow to speak, and ask questions to fully understand him before making a conclusion.
